Crashing.

If I was to leave this world, would anyone really miss me?
I feel alone. I know I'm not, I'm surrounded by people but they don't understand. No one knows what's going on in my head but me. Even the people who are closest to me feel a million miles away.
I am alone, a prisoner to my thoughts. And I don't know how to escape.

Wake me up inside..

-Aren't you scared?
-Yeah... Terrified.

I'm terrified of these feelings I have for you. I'm terrified of you not feeling the same. I'm terrified of many things, but losing you is by far the biggest fear of all.

You.

And just like that, just like that, it all started again.

One Boxing Day..

The floor, covered with snow.

The grass, poking through, dewy shoots pearled with water.

The lake, iced over.

The ducks, sliding, skating, scrabbling for bread.

The mist of children's breath, clouding the playground's air.

The steam, wafting out of cups of hot chocolate.

The rosiness of cheeks and noses, fighting the winter elements.

The secret smiles, the laughter, families reunited.

The perfect day..

Am I alive and living?
Or am I alive but merely existing?

My beautiful boy.

It's been  four years, but I still miss you as if it was yesterday.
Growing up you were my best friend, you made my childhood extra happy, and for that I'm eternally grateful. My memories are filled with times spent with you. Playing in the garden, water fights in the summer, the excitement you unleashed every Christmas and birthday, the way you used to snore, all these things and thousands more are stored forever in my mind.
I'd give anything to have you back for five minutes, to hug you once more and look into your big brown eyes.
I know you're not in pain anymore, and I know you're not suffering.
As long as we remember you, you continue existing.
You will always be a part of me and my heart will carry on loving you until it's last beat.

Sometimes we just need to open our eyes to the beauty that surrounds us.