Friday 8 August 2014
Back in the Game
I haven't blogged for a while, a while being 2 whole years. I've missed it. It used to be my outlet for everything, but recently I haven't required it. That said, I probably need it now more than I ever did before. So. Here goes.
Love. It's meant to be the easiest thing in the world right? Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.
I had that. Only my happily ever after was only really a year and a half. Because I screwed up like I always do.
Since then I've found 'love' to be a case of boy meets girl, boy shags girl, boy leaves and it is never spoken of again.
Maybe I'm getting a taste of my own medicine and the universe is punishing me with bad karma and all that jazz. But, to be honest, after eight months of this cycle repeating itself over and over again, every godforsaken student Wednesday, I'm starting to get a bit bored and frustrated.
I miss the intimacy. I miss having someone there to talk to whenever I need them. I miss cuddling, and laughing about stuff that only we'd find funny.
I thought I'd found someone to do this with, and to be fair they were filling the void that had manifested itself deep within me. But now I realise it's only skin deep. And that's all it'll ever be.
Now I'm faced with the dilemma of what to do. Do I continue with whatever this thing is that we've got going, and consequently most likely end up getting hurt in the long run? Do I cut it off now? And feel the pain now, get it over and done with quickly, and then miss out on the fun that we genuinely do have? Do I carry on pretending that I'm absolutely fine with this modern 21st century 'relationship' where on the outside everything's fine and continue to ignore the emptiness that lies beneath?
I don't know. I guess I live in false hope that this may turn into something more, although recent events have come to my attention which make it perfectly clear that it'll never happen.
I'm just rambling now. But that's how it is in my head. All jumbled up and confusing.
One thing is for certain though, weaving your way through the jungle that is 21st century dating is absolute hell.
Love. It's meant to be the easiest thing in the world right? Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.
I had that. Only my happily ever after was only really a year and a half. Because I screwed up like I always do.
Since then I've found 'love' to be a case of boy meets girl, boy shags girl, boy leaves and it is never spoken of again.
Maybe I'm getting a taste of my own medicine and the universe is punishing me with bad karma and all that jazz. But, to be honest, after eight months of this cycle repeating itself over and over again, every godforsaken student Wednesday, I'm starting to get a bit bored and frustrated.
I miss the intimacy. I miss having someone there to talk to whenever I need them. I miss cuddling, and laughing about stuff that only we'd find funny.
I thought I'd found someone to do this with, and to be fair they were filling the void that had manifested itself deep within me. But now I realise it's only skin deep. And that's all it'll ever be.
Now I'm faced with the dilemma of what to do. Do I continue with whatever this thing is that we've got going, and consequently most likely end up getting hurt in the long run? Do I cut it off now? And feel the pain now, get it over and done with quickly, and then miss out on the fun that we genuinely do have? Do I carry on pretending that I'm absolutely fine with this modern 21st century 'relationship' where on the outside everything's fine and continue to ignore the emptiness that lies beneath?
I don't know. I guess I live in false hope that this may turn into something more, although recent events have come to my attention which make it perfectly clear that it'll never happen.
I'm just rambling now. But that's how it is in my head. All jumbled up and confusing.
One thing is for certain though, weaving your way through the jungle that is 21st century dating is absolute hell.
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